sacrifice

My precious life, my precious son
when I hold you in my hands and saw
how you cried for me, Like a flute
with no sound
or not even thinking how
you cried for me,
as I look back to remember the worst thing
in my life what happened
or could have happened,
but I stopped it
from harming you.

“I was your shield
your guidance that protected you
from that bullet.’’
and got struck right in the heart
where you live inside of me,
as I will always live inside of you
as tears run down my cheeks
and begin to chill like glacier ice cubes.
I watch you all the time
above heaven
looking at you,
and wonder all the time
if  it was a change of heart
that gave me life aside
from another happiness
or well being,

as I read your thoughts
and I was wondering
“wow my father gave up his life for me”

and you said with pain
“cause you cared about me”
and my thoughts were if I was happy
and loved you
so much

not happy dying
but happy you were my precious son,
it seemed as if I was playing
with imagination
how our thoughts connected
like connect four,
my many reasons
it happened
I won like horizontal down
the row,but as God whispered
to me
like snow snowflakes in my ears,
in a warm blanket of love
wrapped over me
as if it begins to hear him
say “everybody dies”

My ears are like a blown horn
that hears everything very well
and when the blessing was over.
God
vanished
like a change
of thought,
left me speechless but not
lonely
as I closed my eyes to get a better vision
of good things
like I saw a reporter reporting on
NY1 news talking about
how a man was giving up
his life for his own dear son
and I was like
the T.V. talking about me?
and I felt honored and even though
my life don’t live on earth no more
it still feel apart
of me
like PB and J sandwich
stuck together like glue
I can hear my story talk
about many years to come
to the next generation

A hero means
to me an ordinary person
that  doesn’t have to be
rich or successful
but success
and honor comes
to the word hero
to make somebody else
day that shines
on them
but brighter on you

Copyright 2011 Janaya Hull. All Rights Reserved